Mountain of Judgment

Or the Old Testament version, "He's gonna step on you again."

I wish to thank Kevin for alerting me to the most wonderful, insane thing that I will read all day—an upcoming British TV special I want to see so badly I--well, I wouldn't actually go out of my way to do anything in order to see it, but it sounds perfectly demented:

The BBC plans to mark the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ this Easter with an hour-long live procession through the streets of Manchester featuring pop stars from The Stone Roses and Happy Mondays and featuring songs by The Smiths and New Order.

In the programme, called Manchester Passion, a character representing Jesus will sing the legendary Joy Division anthem Love Will Tear Us Apart before dueting his arch-betrayer Judas on the New Order hit Blue Monday, according to senior church sources involved in the production.

Mary Magdelene, the penitent whore of the New Testament, is also getting in on the act: she is being lined up to sing the Buzzcocks hit Ever Fallen in Love (with Someone You Shouldn't have) accompanied by a string band.

Former Happy Monday and Celebrity Big Brother winner Bez will play a disciple.

The climax of the event sees Jesus sing the Smiths classic song Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now as he is being flayed by Roman soldiers. He will then come face-to-face with his Roman prosecutor Pontius Pilate with the two of them singing a duet of the Oasis hit Wonderwall and its chorus...The event will end with the resurrected Jesus singing an as yet undisclosed song from the top of Manchester's town hall.

So what will the "undisclosed song" turn out to be? The Stone Roses' I Am The Resurrection would be funny, but lyrically it's a cruel, bitter dis. True Faith? Hallelujah? Groovy Train? (Just kidding.) Matt? Dave? Anyone?

Update: According to the Independent, the Buzzcocks song is out but "Speculation has grown that Jesus will dip into the [Stone Roses]'s back catalogue to perform the baggies' anthem "I Am the Resurrection" as the climax." Ha!

Q: How stoked am I by the idea of a guy in a Jesus costume singing a song with lyrics like "You're a no-one nowhere washed up baby who'd look better dead", "I couldn't stand another second in your company" and best of all "I couldn't bring myself to hate you as I'd like" to a crowd of Englishmen on Easter, broadcast on national television as part of a pro-Christian celebration?
A: So stoked. The Brits are so gloriously weird. Even if they retool the song just to include the chorus, it's still fucking nuts.