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Wednesday, November 02, 2005


Dream Press Conference Questions

Q: Mr. President, when the CIA story first broke three years ago, why didn't you call the White House staff together and simply ask if anyone was involved? Why didn't you fire Mr Libby after he was indicted for perjury and obstruction of justice?

Q: Sir, when was the last time you drank alcohol? And a follow-up if I may, when was the last time you fell off your bicycle?

Q: Mr. President, a few days ago when NBC's David Gregory asked you if you were embarrassed by the Libby indictment, you silently, and I quote, "glowered" at him. My question is, do you feel that as President you should not have to answer uncomfortable questions? Do you believe that the President is an elected figure answerable to his fellow citizens, or an imperial figure answerable to no one?

Q: Mr. President, a 1991 dissenting opinion by your newest Supreme Court pick, Sam Alito, implies that a husband owns his wife's uterus. Another Alito decision assumed that a man's wife and 10-year-old daughter, strip-searched by police, were his property for the purposes of a search warrant limited only to the suspect and his possessions. Do you agree with these decisions? Does "W" still stand for "women"?

Q: The past five years have seen a government asleep at the wheel as terrorists attacked our shores, followed by a bungled war, and a shamefully botched response to an epic natural disaster. In that same time frame, no administration officials have been fired, or even admonished for their failures, although a few have been pushed aside for not exercising enough. Numerous ex-officials, from Paul O'Neil to Lawrence Wilkerson, have described you as disinterested and vicious, and your White House as a thoroughly corrupt cabal of political hacks and obssessive liars. I guess I don't really have a question, I just wanted to point that out to you.

Q: Earlier this year, Senator Dick Durbin was excoriated by the GOP for using the term "gulag" to refer to American detention of uncharged enemies in Gitmo and around the world. Today we learn that the CIA is running a secret "Soviet-era" prison in Eastern Europe. Is Senator Durbin owed an apology?

Q: Sir, your approval rating is at the lowest point of your presidency, your second term agenda is in shambles and your two most recent Superme Court picks have revealed you as both a shallow, insecure little man who loves having his ass kissed by spineless flunkies, and as a pathetic puppet of the extremist right wing of your party. I have a two-part question: first, why are you such a worthless piece of shit? And second, why do you suck so much?

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