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Friday, March 30, 2007


Hurricane Alberto

It is impossible to learn from your mistakes when you cannot recognize that you make any. Hence we have a President eager to follow exactly the same pattern he did in the Katrina crisis, sticking by his inept, corrupt cronies even as they drag down his presidency. If the stubborn non-response to Katrina contributed significantly to pushing Bush's support down into the mid-30s, where it has been stuck for most of his second term, how low will this identical performance bring him?
"I can tell you that the president has confidence in [Gonzales]," said Deputy White House press secretary Dana Perino. President Bush "believes the attorney general can overcome the challenges that are before him," she said.

Perino said the White House is not interviewing prospective candidates to replace Gonzales and said Bush is satisfied with his and the department's efforts so far to be responsive to Congress.
Just swap out the names Brown and Chertoff and it's like the fall of 2005 all over again. If the last six years of experience hadn't taught me otherwise, I would be stunned.

The other possibility, of course, is that Bush has no other choice because Alberto is the crumbling levee between him and the criminal prosecution flood, and he fears that when Abu Gonzales goes, he'll be washed away.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007


This Party Sucks. You People Just Don't Know How To Have A Good Time.

It's that point in the office party when everyone is looking around at each other uncomfortably. The boss has spent the entire night chugging gin and tonics. He passed the lampshade-on-the-head stage an hour ago, then moved onto stumbling around getting in-between guys and their wives, loudly slurring about his sexual prowess. Now he's standing in the middle of the living room trying to take off his pants to show everybody his dick, asking which of these dumb broads wants to take a ride in the boss's Lexus. The board of directors is standing in the corner with looks of disgusted shock on their faces, the proceedings are being broadcast to the entire shareholders meeting where investors sit in stunned silence, and the boss thinks he's the life of the party. "This is my goddamn company" he bellows, "and I'll wave my dick around at my own goddamn party if I fucking want to and if you bitches don't like it you can suck it." Hey, the sales guys think it's funny, right? "I said, which of you whores wants to go for a drive?"

The only question now is who's going to have enough guts to step up and take away the keys.

Sadly, this is barely a metaphor.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007


What Abe Believes: March 27, 2007 Edition

"Juice is made from melted popsicles."

"The real Darth Vader steals Darth Vader action figures from kids because he doesn't like toys made of him."

"State cops can go anywhere."


Get In This Capsule Baby! We Are Blasting Off!

Eep: Darwyn Cooke's take on The Spirit is very, very pretty. The writing is serviceable, the art is spectacular...but what really makes my heart skip a beat is the cover stock--heavy weight like a number of DC's other "prestige" monthlies (Green Lantern, Brave and the Bold) but with a matte finish that reflects much less light than the standard glossy paper, which holds the book's muted colors wonderfully, and which is as smooth to the touch as a baby's bottom. It's this aspect that vaults the comic from enjoyable read to outright fetish object. My only complaint may seem strange to level at a book which notably features done-in-one-issue tales in an era where most comics are padded for trade paperback publication. But I do think I'd like the stories more if Cooke forced himself, a la Eisner, to compress them into fewer pages. I don't mind padding too much when it looks as nice as this, but Cooke's a stronger stylist than he is a writer, and it affects his overall storytelling. Eisner's sentimental melodrama was helped by the page compression--perhaps because Eisner's character studies and O Henry twist plots were made for the short story format. I think the wispiness of Cooke's plots would benefit from a similar condensation. How about two ten pagers per issue? I feel like an asshole for nitpicking what is, on balance, one of the best mainstream books being published, but I'm pretty sure it could be even better.

Opp: I refuse to link to The Corner, but I love how Jonah Goldberg says "anti-torture absolutist" like that's an untenable position. Quoth Jonah: "But I think the anti-torture absolutists want to make as few thoughtful distinctions as possible — no doubt out of a desire to create "bright lines" between acceptable and unacceptable behaviors."

Really, it's no more ridiculous than "anti-baby rape absolutist" or "anti-serial killer absolutist," DoughBob LoadPants. And since when did staunch conservatives give a flying fuck about "thoughtful distinctions"? Oh wait, I know, when they're justifying war crimes!

Ork: "The Cylons were created by man. They evolved. They rebelled. There are many copies. And they have a plan." However, what if "they" aren't the Cylons we've been following for three seasons, and who don't seem to have much of a clear plan at all, but rather the Cylons who have just been revealed? [SEASON THREE FINALE SPOILERS AHEAD--AND DAVE, WILL YOU JUST START WATCHING THIS GODDAMN THING ALREADY?]

It's utterly implausible that the final five Cylons would have ended up among the last 40,000 survivors of the 12 colonies, in positions of significant influence, by mere chance. Whether they're conscious of it or not, the current situation had to be orchestrated to put them all into positions where they could survive to lead resistance to the other Cylons (not just on New Caprica or in the fleet, but during Anders' time leading the resistance on Caprica itself. Speaking of Anders, on further reflection we should probably assume that his sports celebrity status precludes the final five from having recognizable copies of themselves.) I also wonder if Tory's position in the group would have been filled by original Presidential aide Billy Keikeya had that actor stayed with the series. Or maybe Billy is Cylon #1 after all--wouldn't that be a cool reveal...

Ah Ah: Today I pick up my copy of LCD Soundsystem's Sound of Silver. Tonight I rock.

Right after I help put the kids to bed. And do the dishes. But then I rock!

Monday, March 26, 2007


One If By Land, Two If By C***.

Note: I had to post this preview image from Green Lantern #18 by feel, as I am now completely blind.

Is this:
A) what happens when you stare too long into the sun (or alternately, female genitalia lit up like a quasar)?
B) a hysterical reaction to the utter retardation of the above image?
C) both?

Either way, it's clear that DC is just messing with people at this point.

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