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Tuesday, February 06, 2007


Virtually Straight

Oh my goodness. From the Times:
Haggard Pronounced 'Completely Heterosexual'

DENVER (AP) -- One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is ''completely heterosexual.''

''He is completely heterosexual,'' Ralph said. ''That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing.''
Really, Ted was intensely heterosexual at least 99% of the time. All those hours driving to and from church, grilling steaks, watching college football and preaching without engaging in sex acts with a male prostitute ought to count for something, oughtn't they? He was only gay for a few minutes at at time, you know, as a kind of experiment. That's how sexuality works. So you see, any "acting-out" that went on is statistically insignificant.

Then again, an inability to act out is what got Ted into trouble in the first place.

I adore the end of the article where it becomes apparent that the most important thing for Colorado Springs, the ministers, et al is to make sure that Ted and his family move away. Far, far away. And that Ted find "secular work" in order to "heal the wound." I would say that you have to love these people, except that really, you ought to throw rocks at them.

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